Walking away
by Least Recently Used
Summary: It is not always necessary to say things aloud.
1. Chapter 1

**Bakuten Shoot Beyblade**

**Title: Walking away **

**Disclaimer: Do not own anything**

**Warnings: Shonen-ai, Kaitaka, AU**

**Summary: It is not always necessary to say things loud.**

**A/N: This story oscillates between present and past. Takao is talking to an imaginary Kai in his mind while remembering time he passed with him because he is too chicken to reveal his feelings out loud.  
Tried to write flash backs in a different manner. **

I sat on the chair at the café remembering how it all started for me, that how you had become so important to me over these years which we spent together as 'friends'. I could not help but replay the day's events again and again in my mind. You had just announced today of your engagement with Jane and now I sat here contemplating, telling myself that everything was over for me, trying to console my broken heart to move on, regretting that I could never tell you what I felt for you, crying that my hopes were shattered but laughing at the same time because I knew all along that these false hopes of mine would never be fulfilled, that I never really had a chance with you.

I was trying and failing to deal with the emotional turmoil that was stabbing me from inside ripping through my heart to shatter it into millions of pieces and I could not help remembering that it all started with envy, yes envy as strange as it may sound but it was the truth. You were rich, good looking, intelligent, had the best grades, good at sports, and you had lots of admirers. You were the star student of the school, and basically you had all what I lacked. On the contrary I was one of the 'unpopular kids' nobody even liked to look at or talk to.

It reminds me how I had hated to look in the mirror for the reflection it presented. I was skinny, with big dull blue eyes, long hair that covered my face from the view (just because my 'ninja guy' grandfather considered that the hair signified a warrior's valor and strength); in short my face lacked all the attributes that were considered essential for a boy to be considered handsome. Every time I looked into the mirror I would see my dead mother looking back at me, I sometimes would try to find my real self in that face, I was someone trying to get out of the dark shadows, trying to find something that I could call my own characteristic, my own identity that was not blurred by the past. I covered up my self- consciousness and nervousness behind the veil of cheekiness trying to appear confident and strong. I was shorter that most of the guys in the class and I was also one of the most favorite targets of the school bullies.

I would only watch you from my corner at the back of the class when you had set up a new record at the race track, or you had for the school another trophy in some event or other and several similar things. You never seemed to care about what you had, and were very indifferent to the attention you got. Those small little things never affected you as they did to me. You weren't the one for words rather you believed in doing things. I had always wondered how could not those things affect you.

My first encounter with you occurred when Carlos and his dumb gang who called themselves 'the Down Town Dogs' was busy picking on Kenny in the hallway tossing his laptop in air and I had got myself in trouble trying to save him.

"Please don't ..!" Kenny was on the verge of tears.

"Dude, don't you think this technology is too much for your prehistoric brains why don't you just give it back and chase the cars instead with your canine relatives." I had joked and see I did have a big mouth.

"Look this weakling is trying to be the hero." One of those jerks had piped up and I had found myself pushed to the wall and strangled.

"Man, your mouth stinks; ever heard about things called toothpastes, you need them badly." And before the raised fist could touch my face a new voice had stopped him. "Looks like the stray dogs are out on a run." Carlos had turned to glare at the intruder; thankfully out of my view. You stood there clad in green school uniform with your hands crossed on the chest.

"Stop it you guys or else I will call the teacher, then you all are going straight to the Principal." Hiromi, the class president stood there with Max and Rei glaring with equal ferocity. And they were really gone with a threat "I will make you pay, Kinomiya!"

Kenny had hugged his laptop like a lifeline when I just turned away Hiromi had shouted "Hey, at least you can thank us for helping you out." "I never asked for help." was my only answer which was reflected by Hiromi's "What a jerk."

Later that day when I was walking back home I found myself surrounded by Carlos and company. My bag was snatched and I found my throat again being strangled by a smug looking Carlos. "So who are you going to call for help now you wimp?" I took my chance and kneed between his legs and tried to get away. There was no way I could take all ten of them together. But before I could slip out, they all were on me beating me as a punching bag. When I finally opened my eyes I found myself in an unfamiliar place that turned out to be Kenny's house above his dad's restaurant, the famous five of school had saved me from the dogs' wrath. "Thank you..I guess." To which Hiromi had smiled so did the others but you had not. A few days later Hiromi had admitted that I was different than she had always thought. They were a bit hesitant at first but soon they accepted me as a friend. But from the start you had treated me just like you treated 'your comparatively tolerable classmates' aka your friends. The first time when I took you all home Gramps had scared all of you by his customary welcome. Max, Rei, Hiromi, Kenny all were wide eyed when they reached the old ancestral dojo.

"Wow..Takao you live here?" Kenny had appreciated.

"This place is sure big." Max had just finished when Grandpa had jumped out to hit me with his kendo stick making even you go wide-eyed. "Hey there T-man so how was your day? Oh you have guests with you, are they your friends? Wait.. you made friends young dog? Oh I am so proud of you." And my senile grandfather had hugged the air out of all of you guys. "Gramps stop. You will scare them away!" I had to shout. "Oh no T-man this calls for celebration come in, Homies T-man's friends are my friends." All of you had sweat dropped "That is why I never tell him about parents' meeting!" I had sighed scratching my neck; when I saw Grandfather had already started narrating his stories to Kenny about our ancestors who actually looked interested. "Wow..Takao your grandfather is so cool. Why didn't you ever tell me that he fought pirates on his way to Burma?"Max had yelled while dribbling the ball from one corner of the training hall that had been converted to a temporary Basketball ground. "Really..?" Chief had questioned typing on his laptop not even caring to look up. "Of course not." I had told them, though Gramps had narrated the same story in the parent-teachers meeting, thanks to Hiromi who being the Class president had specially invited him. But the dojo did become one of everyone's favorite hang outs.

You would be there hiding in some unnoticeable corner of the dojo away from where all of us would be creating ruction and scare us out of our wits by sneaking on us now and then.

I had always found you like a puzzle but the more I tried to disembroil the loose ends the more I found myself lost until I got myself so enclasped that I could not differentiate the puzzle from me any longer. I found myself drowning in your mystique.

The server has served me the tea and I see a faint reflection of my face in the brew. The day when I had voiced my consciousness about my looks comes rushing back to my mind. It was the same day all our friends had gathered for doing a group project when Rei had interrogated "Why.., don't you eat anything Takao, you are so skinny." "I do, but whatever I may eat I do not put on weight or fat." "It has to do something with your metabolism" was Chief's wise reply. "Why don't you work out?" you had smirked. "Hell no. grandpa already puts me through hell with his kendo training." "Well we could work on your clothes at least. You see different types of clothes do affect your looks differently. For example, if you feel you are too skinny then you could wear something loose rather than tight fitting clothes."

And thus, Hiromi had decided that I needed a makeover (not before pitying my bad sense of clothing); forgetting all about the project we had to complete. All as per Hiromi's orders guys excluding you had brought some of their clothes to donate for the noble cause and as I had stepped out in Rei's usual attire and looked in the mirror you had snorted from the couch making others but Rei laugh. You had already declared you would stay away from the _madness. "_Guys.. this is not helping I asked your help to make me look like a boy not an animal.!" I yelled frustrated. "Animal..?"Rei had blinked. "If something looks good on you doesn't mean it will look good on others." Hiromi had told a confused Rei. "All he needs are cat ears and he'll look like your kitten, Big daddy."Max had grinned. "But still animal..?" and I wasted no time in returning his tiger strips. "Then I don't think you would like to try these.?" Kenny showed me his shorts and I shook my head in negation vigorously I did not even want to imagine myself in those revealing clothes.

"Leave it to the expert guys." Hiromi had rolled her imaginary sleeves and shuffled through all the clothes "He needs something of his own. Taka, try this" she had handed me a very-very bright yellow T-shirt a size or two bigger than what I usually wore which in actuality belonged to Max. I had swallowed as I took the garment in my hands looking at her and then at others and they had nodded encouragingly. "Bud.. you don't have another color, do you?." "Yes I do, here I have a pink one." "Fine then, I think I'll just wear this."I put the T-shirt over the white one I was already wearing." Then I was given a red jacket that had a yin-yang sign at the back, whose sleeves I had to roll up to my elbows and also a pair of blue fingerless gloves adorned my hands donated by Chief. I was pushed to sit on a chair while Hiromi brought out a pair of scissors which had made me panic. "Sit still Taka, I am going to trim your hair." "Oh.. no..no.. no.. NO… gramps will kill me.. don't." I had held my pony tail tightly."Oh he would not even notice!" I eyed warily at the butcher's Scissors "sorry he doesn't allow me to cut my hair. You know those stupid family traditions." But the look on my predator's face had said 'move if you wanna die' ".Still" and I had my eyes shut tightly while she had slashed my hair mercilessly or that was what it felt like. And when I had opened my eyes I found that the bangs that usually covered most of my face had been shortened redefining my looks I had a base ball hat over my head which she had found somewhere in my closet. "Now see it's all done!" She looked proud at her handiwork. "Man, you look like a rowdy rough badass." "You look definitely like a boy now. What do you think Kai? " you had spared me a glance, walked to me dramatically then stopped in front of me you had then looked down into my eyes, reached for the hat to put it backwards on my head and walked back after your little contribution to my looks; while I looked into the mirror again at my new avatar, that was laden with contrastingly and brightly colored attire. I had to agree that I'd never looked better.

These little things had me gravitated towards you. I pay for the unfinished tea and walk out in heavy steps. I remember our last year at school when everybody was supremely excited about the 'Prom Night' at the New Year party. By this time my harbored feelings had blossomed into something so strong and profoundly unfathomable affection that I had never imagined, I would feel for anyone. I had planned to reveal my heart to you on the coming night at the brink of the passing year. I had wanted to ask you for the dance. Max and Hiromi were going, Rei had decided to bring Mao, Kenny had also got his chance with Mingming. Just before I could ask you Ashley had pushed her way to you to ask you for the said occasion. You had just ignored her at first but when she still didn't budge "Who do you think you are? Go to hell I am not interested." You had snapped and I had decided against risking my life.

"Kai you just turned down the most happening girl of the school!" Max had pointed earning a slap at the back of his head by a glaring Hiromi.

Hiromi had then turned away from his pouting face to me "who are you going with?" "I won't come. Gramps is throwing a party at the dojo so…"

The night had come and I was seated at the dojo roof under which Bingo was going on feeling the night pass to give way to a new morning, you had climbed and sat there besides me silently. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming; you were there on the New Year's Eve sitting on the dojo roof by my side looking ahead in the night. "Why didn't you go to the Dance?" "Not my thing." Your short answer had followed my question. You were there in the night with me, telling me that you didn't like to dance. "Then what do you like doing?" I had questioned after a long silence, turning to look up at the sky not actually expecting an answer when I got one. "Right now, I like looking at the night sky." You had answered looking up as well. I had addressed you thinking that I could tell you; I could take the risk but when your eyes had bore into mine I forgot the lines I had been practicing for around two days to confess my feelings. "Kai.. I .. I .. wanna ... never mind." I could only sigh. Soon the star littered sky was faded by the bright lively fireworks that marked the end of the old dying year.

A/N: apologies for any spelling or grammatical mistakes that may have occurred due to Ginger's ignorance. After all **to err is human and to review is divine. So please do review. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Bakuten Shoot Beyblade**

**Title: Walking away **

**Disclaimer: Do not own anything**

**Warnings: Shonen-ai, Kaitaka, AU**

**Summary: It is not always necessary to say things loud.**

**A/N: This story oscillates between present and past. Takao is talking to an imaginary Kai in his mind while remembering time he passed with him because he is too chicken to reveal his feelings out loud.  
Tried to write flash backs in a different manner.**

****The day has finally arrived. Today you are getting married and you look so happy which is so amusing an expression on your face; your usually cold auburn eyes seem to have a spark of sheer joy in them. I am so delighted that you have found someone to share your life and happiness with, but still some part of me is sobbing within that it isn't me who you chose. I know perfectly well that I would not be able to witness this occasion for things are getting very painful for me. I have all my necessary stuff packed and I plan to sneak out of here without telling anyone of course. There is a possibility that you would be mad at me or maybe you would just shrug it off. I know that I have to get away from here, from your life if I have to stay sane. For the last time I glance at you, surrounded by people as always: Max, Rei, Kenny, Hiromi and turn about and walk out before anyone could know I am planning to run away.

I am walking in the streets mindlessly not knowing where to go. I do not know which place I am heading to the only thing I know is with every step of mine I am walking away from a true friend, my feelings, my hopes, false illusions though away from my light and my life.

Memories are strange; you try to push them but they would come back clouding your mind, sometimes the sweet ones make you cry and the bitter ones make you laugh. Walking through the streets I am reminded of the day when you told me about Jane, the girl you wanted to marry.

After the dinner while watching your favorite show sitting on the red leather couch, you had broken the news and I was looking at your face like a dumbfounded fool. "Kinomiya, you should also find someone, after all I had to put up with you so long, now it would be fair enough if somebody takes the burden off for me" you had said with a smug smile and I had answered in my haste and irritation "I do have someone, really nice. But you don't need to know!" "And why not, I ain't gonna let my '_part time wife_' go with some idiot without getting my approval first" you had ordered to which I snapped "Oh whatever you say grandpa! By the way since when did you become so humane and caring? This Jane sure has influenced you a lot". "Maybe! Believe it or not Kinomiya I am a human in flesh and blood, I am not just a hyperactive retard like you." You had finished and turned back to the screen.

After that I had decided that I would indeed try to move on and give myself a second chance but I never knew that it was a decision which I would regret rest of my life.

I thought maybe, I would find happiness with someone else, and that would be better for both of us. Then Shun came in my life, which was a year senior to me at the college. I met him first at college festival, he was nice and things turned intimate between us, I was already in a desperate need for someone who could requite all the feelings I had cherished for you so long and he just gave me that. As I had promised I introduced you to Shun and you just grunted your response before walking out to meet Jane. Things went smoothly, for a while between us but as soon as I started to believe that Shun was the person I was looking for, I realized that Lady Luck held a personal grudge against me. And soon things went off track as well as the short relationship.

As I am passing by the busy streets I see the withered brown foliage falling off the trees, next day they would be swept and disposed away. I cannot just help reminiscing about that evening when you had walked in with Jane by your side to our quarters to find me trying to deal with a bleeding nose, wounded, mutilated body and darkened skin in a state of half consciousness.

You had shook me out of my daze none too gently, I could see your orbs looked vermilion, as threatening as the hearth-fire and you had growled "Who the hell did this, Kinomiya?" but when I did not answer you had guessed "Was it Shun? ..How long….has this been going on?" I could not bring myself to look in your furious eyes and looked away; I had not told you anything until then. "He doesn't do it usually, he..he cares, maybe he was just upset about something!" I tried to convince you when you cut me short "He cares? Yeah sure, I can see that! But if you love someone does not mean that person could exploit you, damn it look here you nutcase, he's gonna pay for this and I will make sure of that!" your cold voice had followed a snort. I had wanted to shout out loud 'what is new he exploited me physically you do that emotionally so what's the big deal.' That was when Jane had interjected to try to stop you "Kai I don't think it's wise to get involved in this matter, it's their personal problem. Things would get even more messed up if you do something." "She is right Kai, everything will be fine, I promise we will work things out. You… don't worry." I had panicked when you casted a hard glare at both me and Jane. "Why you.. you just do not even open your mouth. Block head, that son of bitch you are trying to defend? You may forgive him but I will not." And when Jane had tried to reason further you snapped at her "This is none of your business." "I don't think that it's your business either, Kai; please try to understand!" "I never asked for your opinion, if you cannot help then just shut up or go back home" and she had stalked out angrily. I was sure that she never liked me before but then she would have hated me even more. You had snatched the first aid kit to treat my wounds grumbling at me.

The next day I was informed that my culprit had been beaten to crap though after that you had not even talked to me for a whole week as a punishment for not telling you what had happened, somehow you seemed offended by my decision to keep you in dark. It was a relief when you'd finally let your anger wash away as things subsided eventually.

In my mindless, aimless journey I find myself passing by the river bank with the water shimmering in the setting sun, all of us used to visit for picnics usually on Hiromi's insistence. It was an evening just like this when I had found myself carrying out my part time duties again. You being you, did not rejoice going out to any of those places that could become crowded which of course included restaurants, multiplexes, parks among some others on the unending '_not to go- high population density places_' list. So I was not at all surprised when you had invited Jane for dinner at home rather than taking her out.

I had the pasta ready, tossed with broccoli, soya sauce and had just set the sizzler when Jane had entered the kitchenette she had smiled and informed me about your proposal. "Kai told me already, it's great news Congratulations Jane. He is so lucky..that.." "That's beside the point; since you understand that we are getting married, it would be reasonable enough if you find for yourself another accommodation, Takao." She had told me in a honey coated voice all the time staring with unflinching cold green eyes."What are you …?" "And one more thing Kai is getting 'married to me' and it is not good for married men to have association with your kinds'. I suppose you are getting what I am trying to convey. By the way the food smells nice!" Thus she had walked out leaving me to stare at the flames feeding on the sizzler. You were the one who had sheltered me when my only family member; my grandfather had left the world, you were the one who had given me a silent shoulder to mourn my grief on. You did not say anything in consolation; you just sat there to let me cry my eyes out offering strength from your mere presence. How could I forget it was the same place where, Max had devised me a new sobriquet for being dedicated and caring 'part time house wife'.

After setting the table when I had turned around to get out Jane had smiled and inquired "Why Takao, you won't join us?" the same piercing sugar coated voice had sent tremors down my spine. "No I would just get in the way. See you later guys." I had to find another place if I were to move out as per her 'instructions'.

Right now I am standing outside the store to you had dragged me to "Shopping" that's exactly how you had answered when I'd asked you the reason for almost hauling me out of the new apartment where I lived after that confrontation with Jane. "Don't you think you should take _her_ along rather than _me_?" "She is too busy with her own shopping to be bothered." "But I would be of little help, remember I was not 'the fashion icon' in college." "I am not taking you to advice me on clothes I wanted someone to carry the stuff for me." "What do you think I am? Your servant?" I had glared at your stupid smirking face.

You had walked out of the trial room raising an eyebrow, this was the fifth wedding suit you had tried and I could sense you would try some more. "Fine" I had answered your silent question. "Good. Fine. Good. Fine. What Kinomiya, ran out of words? At least you could praise my looks." "You know you are right. The fabric is fine and the colors are too. These are all well tailored anyone wearing these will obviously look good! Even the groom has the right to look good for once in his own wedding." I had retorted slyly. From inside I was too pained it felt like you had been deliberately doing those things.

"Excuse me! Hello..! Where do you want to go?" I start at the new voice. So here in the cab I stare at the face which is glancing at me quizzically through the rear view mirror. "Station" is my answer.

It has been one year seven months and eighteen days since that day and I am hundreds of miles away from Tokyo here in Bey City the place which provided me refuge when I was all alone and broken and thus became my permanent residence.

I am sitting at my desk. I work for an insurance company here. The place is not very big; away from the more prominent cities it is peaceful and relishing. The people though less in number are friendly and warm. I have even found a similar spot at the beach like the old one back at Tokyo. You would have really liked it. Even after this long I could not erase you out of my memories or dreams. Suddenly I start at a hand that snatches the pen out of my hand pulling me back from the oblivion I had slipped into unnoticed. "Hey… Earth to Kinomiya!" I blink; this is the person I recognize as Mr. Uzumaki. He is the manager of the branch I work for. "You look dazed and tired and maybe hungry as well. So how about a lunch out at the Carmen's?" I sigh and apologize trying to look as pleading as I could "Thanks but sorry Mr. Uzumaki, I would not be able to make it today. Unhh.. May be next time…. "He looks a bit put out; this is the third time in a row I have turned down his invitation. "Alright then, next time! Do not work to hard okay or you will just wrinkle the pretty face of yours."

After 'that' episode I have become reluctant regarding relationships and after all you are not here to avenge for me if needed. I get up to leave early today putting on my coat and suddenly the phone starts ringing. I pick it up and am informed about a new client I am supposed to see. Great! And I thought I could sneak out to celebrate an early weekend.

I sit back with my hopes deflated when a black file is put on the table I look up to find the person who had managed to make my life a complete hiatus. Hiwatari Kai sat there in front of me as casually as ever, devoid of any emotion, his face showing no sign of recognition. I blink once twice thrice to break the illusion but unfortunately it isn't one.

I feel my body tensing and my heartbeat rising, yet there is no emotion what so ever on the face in front of me. He sat there like a complete stranger to me. I lift the file in sweaty trembling hands and explain what I am supposed to. I cannot understand why he needs to visit an insurance office of such a small city for something as trivial as getting an insurance, he has hundreds of people working under him for god's sake. At the least I got to see him after a long.. long interval. He walks out as soon as I am finished and I proceed to leave the office less than overjoyed about the fact that he has forgotten who I was.

I walk towards the parking-lot drenched in mixed emotions when a decent black Mitsubishi that just stops a few inches away from me, making me step back in irritation; today is so not my day. And the person who has haunted my dreams steps out and casually leans on the car with his arms crossed over his chest, regarding me with a piercing look. I bite my bottom lip, what does this guy want now? Wasn't it enough that I had to leave Tokyo because of him; sure he doesn't know that, but still. Since he is as silent as ever and the awkwardness is increasing exponentially I say the only thing that comes to my mind "Hi…. Kai, long time…! How have you and Jane been?" "Jane may be fine but I am not." is the cold answer I get. "So you've learnt to be patient in the end, but you could never really learn to fight for what's yours?" "I can't understand what you are saying!" "Do you know I have been trying to find where you had been hiding to for over a year?" I am completely surprised I want to ask why but unable to string the question I answer "I work here." "Do you know that you fidget when you lie?" I instantly stopped the pointed activity. "Do you know that you scratch your head when you are embarrassed and that you always blink twice when you are confused?" okay right now I am more than confused why is he pointing such things? Then I further hear him say "I know you more than you could even imagine to know yourself! I can read you like a book." his words shake me out of my scrimmage.

"Kinomiya, I am here to listen to what you want to say."

"I…. I… unhh.. I don't …" I am officially freaked out by now it is the first time he has ever spoken this much.

"Idiot, you usually babble nonstop nonsense but when someone's life depends on what you are going to say you don't even utter a single word."

There are a lot of things I want to say, thoughts that I have been holding back so long but when I finally get an opportunity to let them out in the open it feels like my throat has been chocked with soot. All I feel is the wetness of my eyes pouring down my cheeks. I am engulfed in a bone crushing hug where I cry my eyes out.

"Even if you say it or not I know perfectly well what do you want, Takao!" there rests a large hand on my cheek tilting my head upwards which is followed by soft lips that devour mouth with the same desire and desperation I have felt so long? Why is he mocking my feelings I ask myself trying to struggle against the clasp around me that grows only tighter. He warningly growls when I intervene "Kai, why are you doing this..?And Jane…"

"I don't know and I don't care."

"What did you… then…?"

"Hn never said I'd marry her."

"What did you do? How could you…."

"hn !" the scowl tells me that he has no intention to answer my question.

I am pulled in for another kiss this time his hands holding my head in place, the other one around my waist. After a while I place my limp hands around his neck winning a hoarse moan or groan in reward. I can feel people's glance on us but this time I do not want to worry about what they think; I just want to live this moment right now.

There have been so many things that I have wanted to tell you, so many secrets I have always wanted to share but sometimes I could not find enough courage to speak my heart out and some other times the circumstances all were against me. But now I realize that I never really had to say anything because you knew it all the time. And now I know well enough that you would always be here with me, for me and that you would also understand my thoughts until I work my courage to say all these things out loud.

I know you will be here beside me.

A/N: THIS IS A GENUINE REQUEST. IF YOU'VE LIKED THIS STORY PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU LIKED AND IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT THEN DO NOT HESITATE TO GIVE ME A WORD ABOUT WHAT YOU DIDN'T LIKE SO THAT I COULD REVIEW BECAUSE IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME. Apologies for any spelling or grammatical mistakes that may have occurred due to Ginger's ignorance. After all **to err is human and to review is divine. So please do review. **


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